Just Sadie and I tonight!
Me & Skiba
rudeboyjesse
I just put the girls to bed while Keyla has been down all night. She has a fever and has been asleep since I got home from work. She looks really tired. So I am in the 3rd room hanging out with Sadie on the bed. She looks pretty chill considering I never let her sleep on the bed. I have tomorrow off and do not know what I will do with my day. Maybe take a bike ride through downtown. That would be really nice. I bet it will be super empty since it is Thanksgiving Week. I thought about giving Pastor Bob a call but I am not sure that he will be around the church tomorrow.

I have been surprised how things are going so far with Keyla in Nursing School. We have made so many adjustments the last three months and they all seem to be good. We are managing to make it with what we have.
We are sacrificing the things that we do not need and I believe we should be able to escape the upcoming holidays unscathed. There will be less giving of gifts. But that is not why we celebrate with family. I cannot wait to see Izzy B and E. I miss them so much. I wanted to see them for Thanksgiving but found out way too late that they were going to Arizona. Hopefully next year things will be better financially and Keyla will be starting her first nursing gig. I really think we will hit our stride then and be able to relax a little.
She is doing great and I am very proud of her.

Mi Amor
rudeboyjesse
No he sido el mismo desde que hablé por primera vez con usted. Mi vida cambió. Me gusta todos los días que me despierto y te tengo a ti. Tú eres la flor que refresca mi día. Me detengo a disfrutar cada aliento. Tú me has hecho un hombre muy feliz. No puedo imaginar mi vida sin ti. Tú eres mi amor. La mujer que he escogido para ser mi esposa. Te quiero. No puedo esperar a envejecer con usted.

Please don't go crazy if I tell you the truth
rudeboyjesse
I didn't know what else to tile this. So I put the first lyrics I heard from Pandora tonight. I have felt at ease for a long while now. I learned a lesson long ago that has truly helped me on my journey, give it up to God and he will carry it for you. I have things in my life that I really cannot control and so I have decided not to worry on those things like I had in the past. I'll let Jesus carry the weight and enjoy the wonderful things that he has put around me. I wake up to Keyla Ivelisse every day and I smile. A true smile. And I wonder what I may have done for God to favor me with her. And then I walk into the kids room and see their faces and am completely thrilled. I don't have this crazy run around life anymore and I can finally relax and enjoy the moments more. I have more time to do things I enjoy doing as well. Keyla and I have not yet set a date but we are thinking some time in March. Things feel good. I am proud of who I am know and my actions. I am proud that my heart chooses to love others besides myself. I'm ready to marry Keyla. When I look into her eyes I know that we can live and love each other forever.



Pastor Bob says that he sees me getting involved in the music ministry and I am praying to see if that is where I need to be. I thought that I was done with those days. I have no problem playing in my bedroom humming along to the albums. But this is more. This will take me coming out of my comfort zone and playing so that people can worship. If this is where I am headed I will play with pride.

Kickin' Myself
rudeboyjesse
There is nothing that time can not erase. It's time. I walked out of the jewelry store last night with Keyla's ring. She is the one. I don't know how I will ask her......but I will. My mind has been playing so many games with me recently. I should have known there is always going to be a part of me that would be afraid. I have been thinking long and hard and I believe I am doing the right thing. Keyla is wonderful to me. She makes me very happy. And I never grow tired of staring at her face. I never grow tired of her words. I find myself doing the oddest things just to be next to her, to catch her scent. I find myself growing in ways I never imagined possible. And I owe that to us.......to this thing we call Keydavi.
Keydavi=<3 I sometimes forget the amazing things that she does but it never takes long to remember.

I once was in love as a kid. With my eyes closed I could have created her body from clay. From her toes, to her navel, to the full curvy lips. Every line was engraved in my memory. I could sketch her. That love was still physical. Of this world. But with Keyla, I cannot recreate this energy anywhere, any how. She is 100% good. Her heart is completely pure.

And we have decided that we want to do right and live by God's laws. We both sat down with Pastor Bob and let him know how we feel and what our intentions were. I found a woman that has this unbelievable faith in God. She has helped me take steps in my own faith. I feel comfortable now in my skin. I feel comfortable in the grass with my bare feet. Intimate. Open.  Ready to take the next steps as a man, a husband, a father.  


Their just jealous 'cause we're young and in love.  

Writer's Block: Technology’s Impact on My Family
rudeboyjesse
How has technology impacted the quality time you spend with your family?
Technology makes me think of my children's health.  I see many over weight kids whose parents rarely if ever get outside with them.  Most are kept inside all day with their games and are starting to lead very unhealthy lives.  I have not owned a television in over two years and the time I have gained with my children is priceless.  I watch a total of 3-5 half hour episodes each week when the children are already in bed.  I'd like to think my kids will turn out to be very active individuals and will love to be outdoors as they grow older.  

I'm back in the cubicle
rudeboyjesse
Spent most of last week in Omaha, NE.  It was a very interesting time.  I met many great people and realized that I have a very crazy job but it can really pay off.  I've began working a little harder and I can now manage to pay all of my insane student loan each month.  I'm proud that I have begun to handle things okay.  I am still worried for tomorrow when I get the truck back and have to pay for its repairs.  New motor earlier this year, and now all new rocker arms.  I hope the truck will last me another fifteen years.  I think the body will hold up until then.  

I really missed the family while I was away.  I had so many things on my mind.  And strangely enough there were some old memories running through my head while I decompressed over my steak dinner.  And I wonder why these things happen years later.  I am at a very healthly place in my life right now. Things have never been better with Keyla. I am beginning to see us settling down on the horizon.  The kids are all doing very well.  I could not ask for more.  There are things from my past that I have at times held back because I thought that they were special and should stay for that time.  But I have recently opened those things up and have included them in my relationship with Keyla and things are better.  She deserves all my love.  The things I said I would never do for a woman again, I am slowly coming around and making sure that she is happy.  I find myself staying up nights and just watching over her.  I watch her sleep and just hope that she is having the best dreams and is truly getting all of my heart.  I think I had this idea that a girl in my past was better than she was, almost placed on this pedestal in my mind.  She has special in that time.  But Keyla deserves it all.  She makes me good.  She builds me up and stands behind me and has really won a place in my heart.  I am willing to put us first.  Because I love every single thing about her.  I have had to step away from my family a little but it is worth it because we have children that we really want to be able to take care of.  People tell us that we are raising wonderful children and I am proud of that.  We are young and we have chosen to be selfless and work to raise well mannered children.  

It is funny that I always wanted to date an island girl.  I thought I liked a Hawaiin gal once but I had to try a different ocean for Key.  I would love to take her back to Puerto Rico to visit with her family.  Show them their great grandchildren.  I laugh when I think of my children.  Some are of French and Mexican decent, one is Mexican and Puerto Rican, and the other is Puerto Rican and Hawaiin.  I always wanted a Mexican girl.  Things just never work out as you had planned.  But God has always gotten me where I needed to be.  
I am grateful for the things that I have in my life.  I am grateful for the people that I have in life as well.    

 

Last one to die!
rudeboyjesse
 The last few weeks have been filled with travel and guests and I have began to feel comfortable with decisions that i have made in my life.  
When I was working in LA I had a wonderful stay at Redondo Beach.  The hotel was a couple of blocks off the beach and it was a nice opportunity to be back in LA again.  I had the chance to really take in the surroundings and soak everything in.  I love Texas, I was born here, but California has always been a dream.  Most memorable moments of my life are from Texas.  But running along the beach and seeing dolphins swimming just off shore was amazing.  It is a moment I could have shared with my family.  I wish we all could have been there on the beach together.  I got my feet wet.  The sales world is truly difficult.  Traveling one thousand miles to meet with potential customers has its highs and lows.  But I can see where I will have to grow.  And I feel like I can do it.  

I grew up loving my friends like they were family.  But as we began to grow to men I felt very betrayed by their actions.  I stepped away from most of them to focus on only a few friendships and I believe it was the correct decision.  I had a very nice 4th of July weekend with Otto & Roland.  There were talks of Ryan and David showing up but that really wasn't what I wanted.  I would not have been comfortable in my own house and that is most important.  I want friends around that not only care for me but for my beautiful partner Keyla and our 4 beautiful children.  And these two have really proved that they do care for all of us.  And I am grateful.  I am grateful for who they are, where we have come from together, and where we will go together.  I was proud to celebrate 4th of July with them.  I was proud to honor a grandfather I buried less than one year ago with them.  

I leave to Omaha in a few days and it looks like it will be a good trip.  Lots of opportunity to meet with people in the business.  This will be another growing experience as I continue to learn.  It is exciting.  I want to run my own company someday and I have to learn the art of selling.  I have got to learn to interact with people on a better social level.  Silly but I may need to start picking up my old clubs and start hitting some balls at the driving range.  May be an extra way to get ahead.    

Keyla is asleep and I snuck off to write a few lines.  We have really grown so much in our years together.  I can only wait and see how much more comes from this.  She is truly great.  I loved being able to open up to Otto a few nights ago and tell him all the things that I love about her.  He says he can see where I have grown since and because of her.  We really went through many things together at the same time.  When my relationship with Jaclyn ended he was ending things with Shelly.  We had hard days together.  And we found love at about the same time.  And now we all get together when we can.  I could not ask for a better friend.  We spoke of marriage which was a first and I think within the next few years we both will be.  Life is great that way.  Keyla is so beautiful.  When people see her they always tell me she is beautiful.  And that is fine.  Because I spend my days with the girl and I know what really makes her beautiful.  I am so proud that she starts nursing school soon.  I know that she will do really well.  We have built a solid foundation for our family to grow on and I can only wait and see how we did.  From most peoples feedback we are doing pretty damn well.  She just walked in and is dragging me to bed.  



Day 10 Love is Unconditional
rudeboyjesse
"Love is not determined by the one being loved but rather by the one choosing to love"

Unconditional love is the reason I began this dare.  It wasn't for anyone else but us.  I wanted to know that this is real. It does make you stronger.  It is amazing how patience out of love will make things right.  I have had to focus on channeling only positive emotions towards Keyla.  I think it has had an effect on how everything has gone.  I only want her to know that I love her. I love her through the two lists I had to write a few days back.  I do not care if it was a positive or a negative.  She is the woman that I have chosen to give my love to.  I miss her when she is away.  After all these years I still have butterflies and I still love the way I feel when she enters the room.  Your eyes babe, they do something to me and you can completely bring me to my knees with one glance.  Your beauty gets my attention but your love holds me.  

I made a comment to someone the other day.  I think it was to the effect of, usually after this many years with a girl I am looking for more, for something else, for a trade-in relationship.  But here I am after four years keeping on and doing things that a new couple would do for one another.  

It's funny that all my relationships could have been that much more incredible.  How meager they compare to this.  It's not fair to compare as I was in very different surroundings and circumstances.  With God, I am prepared to love a thousand times more.  I was willing to care for others well being.  Even when it came to one living in a rough neighborhood.  I sometimes ask God what that moment meant.  Do we suffer from fits of insanity in moments like that and just do things?  Or was that completely an act that spawned from love.  I have not been in that situation since then but I am sure I would feel the same way now.  I guess we protect what we love or at least protect to ensure safety.  

Well today I have to do something out of the ordinary for Keyla.  I don't know what we will do.  But I will make what ever it is as special as I can.  Over the years I have listened to hundreds of thousands of songs, and the one that always comes to mind when I think of her is "She Makes Me Good" by the Hi-Fives.  She does just that.  I listened to Echo the other day and really listened to the words.  I thought the song was beaufitul before.  I thought I knew what the words meant.  Now I know.  



   




Love Dare, Day 8 Love is Not Jealous
rudeboyjesse
It's funny that Pastor mentioned the devil would show his face the moment we began the love dare. It's so true. He's never too far behind. I've just had to take a few steps back and take things for what they are tonight. And last night. It was nice to spend time with Jose. It has truly been a long time since we had the chance to relax together. We sat at his place and hung out with his roommate JR. Good company. It's funny to start the night watching Gossip Girl and then ending with drinks while watching the NBA Finals. Much needed.
And tonight it is my night with the kiddos. I have tried speaking with Key and she does not want to talk. Maybe we just need some time away. How silly. I never imagined that turning up a radio while driving would cause such a tear in things. I'll never expected that. I just wanted to hear the song "23" It is one of my favorite songs. I hear it almost everyday. I thought we were done wit the conversation. I will have to listen better next time. I think I am a good listener. I wasn't trying to upset Key. It's funny to do something and have all the intentions to make things stronger and within days things get rocky. I think that things will begin to smooth over in a few days. I'll just keep going on with the love dare and see where it takes me. Hopefully to more happiness. It is difficult being selfless but I am working on it. I want to make her happy. She deserves it. She deserves to be treated well. She deserves all my love. Especially at times like this.

I'm off to watch Evan Almighty with the girls. It's funny how hanging out with two beautiful girls can brighten your night. They are perfect. So care free and loving. I'll have to ask them to snuggle.

The Love Dare
rudeboyjesse
So I went out and purchased the book. I saw the movie Fireproof and really believe in what this can do for Key and myself. They already did a series at church about this and I just want to get involved as well. I want to be the best for her. I have a desire to be the best for her. She seems stressed lately and hopefully by me doing this it will give her some peace. I haven't told her that I bought the book. I know what Day 1 is about and it is almost over. Hold my tongue and remove myself from any situations where I would want to say anything disrespectful to her. So day 1 is almost complete. I have 39 more days to go.
I am also searching for a baby sitter so that I can try and take Key to see Wicked. I hope I can find one and get the tickets to take her. I would like to show her a nice night here. I want to get seats on the orchestra and just show her that I love her. She has done so much. And I am proud that she has decided to go to nursing school. I am excited to see how far we will go when she finishes.

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