A quiet beach
This trip to Hermosa Beach has felt different. The world seems so quiet. So different. I feel like I am away from home when this place normally feels like home. Maybe this isn't the escape that it use to be. I stepped down from the worship band a couple of weeks back to focus on the things I need to. I am still sorting things out. Playing music for God was an absolute joy. Just not sure that Crossroads was the right one for me to fully engage in what the mission truly was. I want to continue to grow in my walk with Jesus. I am like every other Christian and have battles. I know what I must do. It is so plainly laid out for me. There are things that are still changing in me. God has blessed my life so incredibly. I see it every morning when I wake up. When I pray. There are so many things that I took for granted. Even now, I am seeing old friendships mend and that brings me incredible happiness. To be under a hood with Ryan was a lot of fun. We didn't fix yet what needs to be finished but I think we certainly have begun to repair our friendship. Joey and I share the more through fatherhood. Otto is marrying Jennifer this year. We are all growing into good men. Otto and I share a love for Christ and I love to go to service with him in Dallas at his CrossRoads.

I continue to thank God for allowing me to live an incredible life. I have been able to accomplish so many things. I have marked so many items off the list that I wanted to do. I will be 30 this year and I am ready to embark on this next chapter of my life. Keyla is working as a nurse and everything is falling into place. She is amazing. I watched her give the heimlich manuever to our daughter Dominae about a month back and she saved her life. It was an amazing moment. God has brought my life somewhere completely different than where I ever expected. I learned so many lessons. I think the greatest was humility. And that you can be wrong. You can say that you are sorry. You can mean it.....you can move on. He has so many other things for you to accomplish in this life. God never left my side. All those years I walked in shadows. He is the only thing that I focus on. That I bring honor to him.

I loved finding Jesus in Our Lady's Chapel at Incarnate Word. I am so glad that I was blessed with Keyla. She helped me grow more than I could ever imagine. I know what I missed and was missing in every other attempt in finding someone in my past. It was God. He is first in my marriage. And that is how it should be. God continues to bless my marriage, family, and life in so many ways. I don't mind what people think much anymore. I know where I want to be. I am stoked to be where I am. I can't worry about old days anymore.

Longing for you to sew up my seams!
I'm back on Pasadena. It has been almost four years. I was terrified to look back on a failure. It turns out that it was not a failure at all. It turned into a new life. A resurrection and a brand new beginning that has given me endless joy. I look around this wonderful place and see new posiblities. I mean.....I made it back. I could have never seen this place again. I reinvented me and found a way to have a wonderful family and a career. That is definately a goal that I attained.

I'm creating and will have launched two companies by 2012. This has been some very excited times for me. I love that I met Luis. We just seem to get things done together. I am disappointed that he relocated to Houston but we can definately still make this work. He is not that far. And we both want to succeed.

I look back and see that kid with tears in his eyes on Highland Street and I am proud of him. He grew up and turned into a man. He designed a life around family. And he became a bass player for his church. Keep going kid. I hope I look back in four years and see another incredible leap into life.

I will follow
I have always had alot of pride when it came to relationships. But today is different, today I am a married man. Things are good but there are difficult days. But we can overcome. I look back on one relationship and I wish I had given it my all. So today when I think there are difficult days I feel encouraged to go the extra mile and tell her that I love her and that she is special. Keyla is my wife. She is the woman I stood before god and my family and confessed my everlasting love to. She is very wonderful to me. The most beautiful woman. So I write this to myself. Don't ever forget how lucky you are to be married to a wonderful woman like her. She is selfless.

(no subject)
Keyla is out doing her bachlorette thing and I just can't stop thinking of how wonderful she is and how happy she is going to make me. Keyla Davila. Man. I never thought that I would be getting married and here I am with less than two weeks left. I have my weekend next weekend with the boys and can't wait. She is the most giving woman. I get more exited about our future everyday. I pray we continue to be blessed.

Angela called me today and told me that Monica's son Jacob was killed in a car crash along with her mother in law and the father in law was currently in critical condition. My heart hurts for her. I absolutely pray that God will give her the strength that she needs to get through this. God bless Jacob. My condolences go out to all the Almanza family.

The Final Stretch
Keyla and I met up with Pastor Bob for another pre-marital counseling session. We have two left to go. The following week will be last minute details and then we get married the first weekend in April. I become more excited as the days near. I spoke with Otto today about the suits. He just purchased his and we just want to make sure we are on the same page. He is coming down so that we can get one last night in as free men. He will be the only one out of the trio that isn't married. Joey took the plunge in October and here I am six months later doing the same. It is going to be great. I can hardly wait.

I've been doing a lot of cleaning today. I threw out a lot of old crap today. I found letters from an old girlfriend that have been packed away for probably eight years. Kind of silly when you look back. Talks of futures, children, and that young love. I never did have another son that I named Nicholas John. It is very funny how things work out. I got Ivelisse Patricia. My last opportunity to be a father. It has given me some of the greatest joys of my life.

No matter what has been put in front of me I have always done what I can to remain positive. I've always felt that you can always turn around a bad situation. I was a young father. And it took me a few years to get my adult life on track. Even today, two years after completing college I am still sacrificing for the better of the family. Keyla and I will be married next month and she will still have 6 months of nursing school left. I have sacrificed the last 8 months to take care of the girls while Key has to take care of her schooling. I have become mr. mom. It has been difficult but I knew before she started I would really have to step it up. I knew that 2010 was going to be a year of sacrifice and a year I just wanted to pass. Sometimes I think about wasting a year. But then I realize we will be so much better off in 2011. Life will really get going for us. I can hardly wait.

4 weeks and I'm not even counting
It's coming down to the wire. I am not counting the days to the wedding at all. I am looking forward to them all. I am happy. Keyla is so amazing. I am watching her do her hair and study and I just can't stop staring at her. What did I ever do to deserve her? I use to always run from love at this point and here I am now charging forward. I cannot wait to say "I DO." Her dress is beautiful and I know that she will look gorgeous.
I am very lucky. I am very blessed. I am very loved.

Hands Down
I have not listened to this silly song in years now. Broken hearted I swore to never listen to this trash again. But here I am four years later. I was talking with Melinda today and I told her about the most wonderful night that I ever had with a woman that did not include love making. It was the night before I met Keyla. Jeanette spent time with me at my Uncle Victors house. We shared drinks and she met my family. It was a night I waited a decade for. I spent the night with Jeanette just talking and freezing my ass off on a trampoline staring at the stars. Talking about this and that. From what I remember it was about nothing at all. It was a night that I waited years to have with her. It is so funny. She moved away when I was 12 years old and I never got to tell her that I thought she was amazing. She would come into town and I would see her around with Alex and it would drive me insane. I waited 11 years to tell her that I thought she was beautiful. I still remember her smell. Her hair. A kiss outside of the Acura. I remember the long drive home feeling on top of the world. It was the night I realized that I wanted my life to change. And it did. The very next night I ate dinner at Cattle Baron and met Keyla. And I never saw Jeanette again. She made the blood flow through my hear and made me crave amazing love. For as long as I live I will never forget that night. And never forget the woman who opened my heart and allowed me to truly find love. She made me open up to the woman that will become my wife on April 3.

Thank you Jeanette L. You gave me more than you will ever know. And more than I could ever thank you for.

Flawless (All The World to Me)
I will officially be married April 3. It is an exciting time. There is so much still that will have to be done. I stare at the mailbox and it less than 90 days there will only be one last name on it. Growing up I was wild and did not believe I would ever be settling down. I didn't want kids until I was 30. I am 27 and the father of 3. I've had failed relationships that led me to this relationship and made me realize many important things. These words were just from an old song. I have not heard the complete song in years but they make sense now. "You don't have to be flawless, you already mean the world to me." I was not mature enough when I was 23 to make love work and last. I was always scared after I had been with someone for a few years and wanted out. This April instead of running away I am asking her to stay. Forever. I use to dream of past days in my sleep and it often made me wonder if something was wrong. I did not want to remember those days like I was. Whether good or bad. So I prayed to God to please take them away from me. I told him that I was ready to let them go. And the dreams have stopped. I have been able to move forward with my life now. I feel confident about my relations with Keyla. They continue to get stronger as time passes. My sweet lord how you have blessed me. I remember right before Russel passed away he asked me to take my time with Keyla. And I remember I told him that she was the girl that I was going to marry. And look these years later we are getting married. I pray that he looks down on us on April 3 and smiles. I am happy that Otto is going to be my best man. All these years. He is still the best pal I could possibly have. The people in my life these days are the best.

I have come to a place in my life where there is peace. I can spend time alone and listen to the sounds of the world and enjoy them for their beauty. The brilliance that was created. My sweet lord I am so thankful that I have such a wonderful family and friends. I could not have done this on my own. When I came to you in my college days in Our Lady's Chapel I was lost. I did not know what to do. And I continued to pray to you the same prayer everyday. I pleaded with you to put me on the path that you needed me to be on and I would go with you. I would endure whatever I had to. I told you that I could not do it on my own. I had pain in my life that I could not recover from on my own. And it took me time. Oh my sweet lord how I loved her and was lost. And you sat with me patiently until I could stand on my own two feet again. You carried my heart gently along until I was able to love truly again. You worked with me until I was ready to move forward. And here we are. My sweet lord I adore you, I thank you for all that you have granted me these last years.

Dec 13,2009
Today was a very easy going day and I feel very at ease. Pastor Bob was out and Pastor Bryan filled in so Bob could spend time with the new addition to their family. I can only imagine how great things are going to be at Crossroads with a new baby around. I sat there at church with Key and Raven and thought about how blessed I am and we are as a family. Things are difficult financially while Keyla is in Nursing School but I know we will get through it all. It is hard at times. You can feel angry and helpless. I guess the best lesson I have gotten out of all of this is to give it up to God. Let him handle all the difficulties.

Keyla has been working out so much lately and I think she is looking better now that I have ever seen her in the past. She began working with a special needs child named Pablo last week and she seems to be really enjoying her job. I was sad at first because for a while now I could come home and we would all be together in the afternoon. And now I am picking up the girls, making dinner, bathing them, and doing some other odds and ends until Key comes home. I do hope she will have good hours once she completes school and starts working. Sometimes I guess I just worry. Sometimes I wonder what these little girls think when we are hanging out. I try not to be rough with them since they are not boys but I still want them to be tough.

I am a little uncertain if we will be going back to El Paso this Christmas as a family. With Key's new job I am not sure if she will be able to go for as long as I had planned. And financially we are in a tight spot. I think it is going to come down to a last minute decision. I just hope and pray that it turns out nice and relaxing enough for us. I don't want to be on the run the whole time.


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